{"id":233,"date":"2006-04-27T20:32:54","date_gmt":"2006-04-27T09:32:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/2006\/04\/27\/pickingw-choosing-a-scab-excuse\/"},"modified":"2008-08-12T22:41:04","modified_gmt":"2008-08-12T12:41:04","slug":"pickingw-choosing-a-scab-excuse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/2006\/04\/27\/pickingw-choosing-a-scab-excuse\/","title":{"rendered":"Picking^W Choosing a Scab Excuse"},"content":{"rendered":"<h4>Top Excuses I have Tried to Use to Explain the Horribly Disfiguring Scab on my Cheek This Week<\/h4>\n<ul>\n<li>Freak <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Two-up\" title=\"Wikipedia definition of Two-up\" class=\"wikipedia\">Two-up<\/a> accident.\n<\/li>\n<li>Bitten by a turtle.\n<\/li>\n<li>Have you ever heard the expression &#8220;As easy as stealing candy from a baby?&#8221;  Rubbish!\n<\/li>\n<li>I dorked into a whore &#8211; oops, I mean walked into a door.\n<\/li>\n<li>I stopped a fight in a bar. The guy knocked me down with one punch, and the fight was over.\n<\/li>\n<li>I burned it on the side of an oven &#8211; turns out you can&#8217;t commit suicide by putting your head in an electric oven.\n<\/li>\n<li>I was attacked by a rabbit.\n<\/li>\n<li>So, I am in the back of a taxi headed to my place with a spunk I picked up in a bar, and things are getting hot and heavy, when suddenly he gets changes his mind and claims he didn&#8217;t know I was a man dressed as a woman.\n<\/li>\n<li>Bulldog.\n<\/li>\n<li>Some guy fell off his unicycle in a weird way, and the unicycle was sent flying towards me, and knocked my feet out from under me.\n<\/li>\n<li>I am chatting up this woman in a bar, and things are going really well until I say &#8220;Why don&#8217;t you come to my place and fuck me stupid?&#8221; and suddenly she decks me, yelling &#8220;Who are you calling stupid?&#8221;\n<\/li>\n<li>Those <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Digger_%28soldier%29\" title=\"Wikipedia definition of Digger_%28soldier%29\" class=\"wikipedia\">diggers<\/a>? Who would have thought they still have it in them? And it turns out they don&#8217;t carry much two-up money anyway.\n<\/li>\n<li>Nicked myself shaving.\n<\/li>\n<li>Working here is like banging your head against a brick wall.\n<\/li>\n<li>We took Easter egg hunting a bit too seriously this year.\n<\/li>\n<li>Lightning struck a tree right near me.\n<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m sorry; I can&#8217;t tell you &#8211; I don&#8217;t want my landlord to find out I am keeping an wild African animal in my apartment.\n<\/li>\n<li>I thought her husband was in Canberra for the <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Anzac_Day\" title=\"Wikipedia definition of Anzac_Day\" class=\"wikipedia\">ANZAC day<\/a> march.\n<\/li>\n<li>I had a conjoined twin removed.\n<\/li>\n<li>Accident with a mouse-trap.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h4>My conclusions<\/h4>\n<ul>\n<li>Some people don&#8217;t mind at all if you spin them a story while others hate not knowing the truth.<\/li>\n<li>Stories involving animals are more believable. Stories involving illicit sex and losing fights are funnier.<\/li>\n<li>The true story (hidden in the list above) gets no sympathy.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Top Excuses I have Tried to Use to Explain the Horribly Disfiguring Scab on my Cheek This Week<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[23,35,30,21],"tags":[57,298,296,297],"class_list":["post-233","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-based-on-a-true-story","category-heroic-failures","category-humour","category-observation","tag-australian-culture","tag-excuses","tag-injury","tag-tall-tales"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/233","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=233"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/233\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":573,"href":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/233\/revisions\/573"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=233"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=233"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=233"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}