I present a number of free-form, non-traditional odes, written upon my return to my home after several weeks of travelling.<\/p>\n
Oh, car,
\nIt isn’t just that you have the steering wheel
\nwhere I expect.
\nIt isn’t just that you have the indicator stalk
\nwhere I expect.
\nIt isn’t just that you have a handbrake
\nfinely controlled by hand rather than foot,
\nmaking hill starts possible.
\nIt is also that you have a transmission
\nthat I trust.
\nAnd that you put your trust in me –
\nthat I will put the car in Park without nagging.<\/p>\n
Oh, mattress, you are firm enough to support my body,
\nand you don’t creak in complaint.<\/p>\n
Oh, pillows, you are not bricks,
\nbut nor are you so soft that
\nyou cannot support my head.
\nYou are also in plentiful supply;
\nI can use as many as I need,
\nrather than folding them in half
\nto hold my head high.<\/p>\n
Oh, shower taps –
\nboth hot and cold –
\nyou present an adequate interface.<\/p>\n
It is true that you don’t,
\nas you surely should,
\nmatch closer to the problem domain,
\nby abstracting the concept of pipes,
\nand instead offer two separate controls
\nfor temperature and pressure.<\/p>\n
However, you are by far better,
\nfar, far better,
\nthan the numerous instances
\nin hotels that I saw
\nof showers that only offer one control –
\none solitary axis –
\nthat controls both of the orthogonal concepts;
\ntemperature and pressure.
\nChoose a temperature,
\ntake the pressure you are given.
\nPutting the “force it” back into plumbing.<\/p>\n
Oh non-water-saving shower head, you are so wasteful,
\nyou let slightly more water through per minute,
\nbut more wastefully,
\nyou don’t make the shower experience so unpleasant
\nthat it gets terminated as quickly as possible.<\/p>\n
Fresh seasonal summer fruits;
\nnectarines, peaches,
\napricots, grapes.
\nReal vegetables.
\nNot the US definition.
\nvegetables; lettuce, tomato, cheese and sweet chilli or BBQ sauce<\/i>
\nOh fridge, thank you!<\/p>\nAn Ode to My Internet Connection<\/h3>\n
Oh broadband, how I have missed you. I’m not saying we can be friends, In the obvious place, You specialize in Thai. Sure, your menu doesn’t fill Sure, you are not a franchise. But your Pad Thai And the price on the menu, You need degaussing, A number of free-form, non-traditional odes, written upon my return to my home after several weeks of travelling.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[24,21,27],"tags":[371,75,237],"class_list":["post-325","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-cathartic-rant","category-observation","category-thoughts-from-the-shower","tag-humour","tag-poetry","tag-whitegoods"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/325","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=325"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/325\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=325"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=325"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=325"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nWith your bandwidth, and higher reliability than wireless,
\nYour lack of firewalls blocking Ze Frank.
\nAnd support staff that don’t blame their router issues
\non my straight-out-of-the-box browser configurations –
\nboth<\/em> of them.<\/p>\nAn Ode to My Samsung D600<\/h3>\n
\nbut it is good that you have got some signal again.<\/p>\nAn Ode to My Cutlery Drawer<\/h3>\n
\nin the kitchen.
\nWith the knives and forks,
\n(metal, no less!)
\nplaced in the right order.
\nHeaven.<\/p>\nAn Ode to my local Thai restaurant<\/h3>\n
\nEvery dish is Thai,
\nYou don’t specialize in “Asian”.
\nYou don’t attempt every local dish
\nfrom India, China, Japan, Thailand…<\/p>\n
\n10 letter-sized pages,
\nbut there are no bad choices.<\/p>\n
\nEven though I like you
\nI can’t find a clone
\nin every major suburb.<\/p>\n
\ntastes fresh and crisp,
\nand not like the noodles
\nwere stewed in peanut
\nbutter for two weeks.<\/p>\n
\nis the price I pay.
\nNo undeclared taxes.
\nNo underpaid staff needing charity
\nto get a living wage.<\/p>\nAn Ode to My TV<\/h3>\n
\nand there is no option
\non the menu,
\nyou heap of
\nshit TEAC.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"