{"id":655,"date":"2008-09-19T21:55:19","date_gmt":"2008-09-19T11:55:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/?p=655"},"modified":"2008-09-19T21:55:19","modified_gmt":"2008-09-19T11:55:19","slug":"how-i-lied-to-an-innocent-child","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/2008\/09\/19\/how-i-lied-to-an-innocent-child\/","title":{"rendered":"How I Lied to an Innocent Child"},"content":{"rendered":"

One way to reverse blog-fade<\/a> is to lower your threshold of excitingness. Here is one of a few posts in the pipeline that explore the blogability<\/a> of the mundane.<\/p>\n

A Handwritten Postcard From My Five-Year Old Niece, Transcribed<\/h4>\n

Dear Julian<\/p>\n

we have Seen uluru
\nand we Have Been doing<\/sup> LOTS
\nOf Swimming<\/sup><\/p>\n

I miSS You<\/p>\n

LOVe T-<\/p>\n

An Emailed Response To My Five-Year Old Niece<\/h4>\n

Dear T-,<\/p>\n

Thank you for your postcard. It was very nice to read it.<\/p>\n

On Saturday, I helped to make a movie about monsters.<\/p>\n

I pretended to be a spooky monster. I dressed up in a big black cape and a black hood. I wandered around scaring people.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Then the wind started blowing. It blew my black hood across my face. I could not see where I was going.<\/p>\n

I walked into a wall! I was not hurt, but everyone was laughing. No-one was scared of me any more.<\/p>\n

\"\" <\/p>\n

Will you please tell my story to your sister for me?<\/p>\n

Love,<\/p>\n

Julian<\/p>\n

How I Lied<\/h4>\n
    \n
  • It wasn’t a wall. It was a gravestone. That seemed like an adult theme, so I edited it out.<\/li>\n
  • I didn’t have bony hands. I wasn’t wearing my skeleton gloves, because I was supposed to be some variant of a vampire, not a skeleton.<\/li>\n
  • It wasn’t merely a hood that blew over my face. I was also wearing a black semi-transparent mask that hid my face. All I could see was the tiny light mounted on the front of the camera. I had to walk menacing towards that, and then veer off just before I hit it. I veered slightly early.<\/li>\n
  • I didn’t say “I can’t see! Ooof!” I said “Bugger! I can’t see a damn thing in here.”<\/li>\n
  • I didn’t really scare anyone before the accident. However, everyone certainly did laugh at me afterwards.<\/li>\n
  • I neglected to mention that I saw the rough edit the next day; I only appear as a small flickering black shadow in the background of a dark shot; it is barely recognisable as a humanoid.<\/li>\n
  • My niece’s name isn’t really T-, but the Internet doesn’t need to know her name just yet.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Dear T-,<\/p>\n

    Thank you for your postcard. It was very nice to read it.<\/p>\n

    On Saturday, I helped to make a movie about monsters.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[23,35,41],"tags":[106,87,304],"class_list":["post-655","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-based-on-a-true-story","category-heroic-failures","category-story-telling","tag-anecdote","tag-comic","tag-film-making"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/655","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=655"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/655\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":664,"href":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/655\/revisions\/664"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=655"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=655"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.somethinkodd.com\/oddthinking\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=655"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}